Low Carb Adrenaline Junkie
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Guerilla Cardio
Anyone looking to get the best cardio workout of their lives needs to read this pdf. It's great. But not for the weak at heart. Check it out. Guerilla Cardio.
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Friday, September 23, 2005
Extracts From Adam's Diary
Mark Twain has always been one of my favorites.
MONDAY.--This new creature with the long hair is a good deal
in the way. It is always hanging around and following me about.
I don't like this; I am not used to company. I wish it would stay
with the other animals. . . . Cloudy today, wind in the east;
think we shall have rain. . . . WE? Where did I get that word--
the new creature uses it.
TUESDAY.--Been examining the great waterfall. It is the finest thing
on the estate, I think. The new creature calls it Niagara Falls--
why, I am sure I do not know. Says it LOOKS like Niagara Falls.
That is not a reason, it is mere waywardness and imbecility.
I get no chance to name anything myself. The new creature names
everything that comes along, before I can get in a protest.
And always that same pretext is offered--it LOOKS like the thing.
There is a dodo, for instance. Says the moment one looks at it
one sees at a glance that it "looks like a dodo." It will have to
keep that name, no doubt. It wearies me to fret about it, and it
does no good, anyway. Dodo! It looks no more like a dodo than
I do.
WEDNESDAY.--Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not
have it to myself in peace. The new creature intruded. When I
tried to put it out it shed water out of the holes it looks with,
and wiped it away with the back of its paws, and made a noise
such as some of the other animals make when they are in distress.
I wish it would not talk; it is always talking. That sounds like a
cheap fling at the poor creature, a slur; but I do not mean it so.
I have never heard the human voice before, and any new and strange
sound intruding itself here upon the solemn hush of these dreaming
solitudes offends my ear and seems a false note. And this new sound
is so close to me; it is right at my shoulder, right at my ear,
first on one side and then on the other, and I am used only to sounds
that are more or less distant from me.
FRIDAY. The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do.
I had a very good name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty--
GARDEN OF EDEN. Privately, I continue to call it that, but not any
longer publicly. The new creature says it is all woods and rocks
and scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden. Says it
LOOKS like a park, and does not look like anything BUT a park.
Consequently, without consulting me, it has been new-named NIAGARA
FALLS PARK. This is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to me.
And already there is a sign up:
KEEP OFF
THE GRASS
My life is not as happy as it was.
SATURDAY.--The new creature eats too much fruit. We are going
to run short, most likely. "We" again--that is ITS word; mine, too,
now, from hearing it so much. Good deal of fog this morning.
I do not go out in the fog myself. This new creature does.
It goes out in all weathers, and stumps right in with its muddy feet.
And talks. It used to be so pleasant and quiet here.
SUNDAY.--Pulled through. This day is getting to be more and more trying.
It was selected and set apart last November as a day of rest.
I had already six of them per week before. This morning found
the new creature trying to clod apples out of that forbidden tree.
MONDAY.--The new creature says its name is Eve. That is all right,
I have no objections. Says it is to call it by, when I want it
to come. I said it was superfluous, then. The word evidently
raised me in its respect; and indeed it is a large, good word
and will bear repetition. It says it is not an It, it is a She.
This is probably doubtful; yet it is all one to me; what she is were
nothing to me if she would but go by herself and not talk.
TUESDAY.--She has littered the whole estate with execrable names
and offensive signs:
This way to the Whirlpool
This way to Goat Island
Cave of the Winds this way
She says this park would make a tidy summer resort if there was
any custom for it. Summer resort--another invention of hers--
just words, without any meaning. What is a summer resort?
But it is best not to ask her, she has such a rage for explaining.
FRIDAY.--She has taken to beseeching me to stop going over the Falls.
What harm does it do? Says it makes her shudder. I wonder why;
I have always done it--always liked the plunge, and coolness.
I supposed it was what the Falls were for. They have no other
use that I can see, and they must have been made for something.
She says they were only made for scenery--like the rhinoceros and
the mastodon.
I went over the Falls in a barrel--not satisfactory to her.
Went over in a tub--still not satisfactory. Swam the Whirlpool and
the Rapids in a fig-leaf suit. It got much damaged. Hence, tedious
complaints about my extravagance. I am too much hampered here.
What I need is a change of scene.
SATURDAY.--I escaped last Tuesday night, and traveled two days,
and built me another shelter in a secluded place, and obliterated my
tracks as well as I could, but she hunted me out by means of a beast
which she has tamed and calls a wolf, and came making that pitiful
noise again, and shedding that water out of the places she looks with.
I was obliged to return with her, but will presently emigrate again
when occasion offers. She engages herself in many foolish things;
among others; to study out why the animals called lions and tigers
live on grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of teeth they
wear would indicate that they were intended to eat each other.
This is foolish, because to do that would be to kill each other,
and that would introduce what, as I understand, is called "death";
and death, as I have been told, has not yet entered the Park.
Which is a pity, on some accounts.
SUNDAY.--Pulled through.
MONDAY.--I believe I see what the week is for: it is to give time
to rest up from the weariness of Sunday. It seems a good idea.
. . . She has been climbing that tree again. Clodded her out of it.
She said nobody was looking. Seems to consider that a sufficient
justification for chancing any dangerous thing. Told her that.
The word justification moved her admiration--and envy, too, I thought.
It is a good word.
TUESDAY.--She told me she was made out of a rib taken from my body.
This is at least doubtful, if not more than that. I have not
missed any rib. . . . She is in much trouble about the buzzard;
says grass does not agree with it; is afraid she can't raise it;
thinks it was intended to live on decayed flesh. The buzzard must
get along the best it can with what is provided. We cannot overturn
the whole scheme to accommodate the buzzard.
SATURDAY.--She fell in the pond yesterday when she was looking at
herself in it, which she is always doing. She nearly strangled,
and said it was most uncomfortable. This made her sorry for the
creatures which live in there, which she calls fish, for she continues
to fasten names on to things that don't need them and don't come
when they are called by them, which is a matter of no consequence
to her, she is such a numbskull, anyway; so she got a lot of them out
and brought them in last night and put them in my bed to keep warm,
but I have noticed them now and then all day and I don't see that
they are any happier there then they were before, only quieter.
When night comes I shall throw them outdoors. I will not sleep
with them again, for I find them clammy and unpleasant to lie among
when a person hasn't anything on.
SUNDAY.--Pulled through.
TUESDAY.--She has taken up with a snake now. The other animals are glad,
for she was always experimenting with them and bothering them;
and I am glad because the snake talks, and this enables me to get
a rest.
FRIDAY.--She says the snake advises her to try the fruit of the tree,
and says the result will be a great and fine and noble education.
I told her there would be another result, too--it would introduce
death into the world. That was a mistake--it had been better
to keep the remark to myself; it only gave her an idea--she could
save the sick buzzard, and furnish fresh meat to the despondent
lions and tigers. I advised her to keep away from the tree.
She said she wouldn't. I foresee trouble. Will emigrate.
WEDNESDAY.--I have had a variegated time. I escaped last night,
and rode a horse all night as fast as he could go, hoping to get
clear of the Park and hide in some other country before the
trouble should begin; but it was not to be. About an hour after
sun-up, as I was riding through a flowery plain where thousands
of animals were grazing, slumbering, or playing with each other,
according to their wont, all of a sudden they broke into a tempest
of frightful noises, and in one moment the plain was a frantic commotion
and every beast was destroying its neighbor. I knew what it meant--
Eve had eaten that fruit, and death was come into the world.
. . . The tigers ate my house, paying no attention when I ordered
them to desist, and they would have eaten me if I had stayed--
which I didn't, but went away in much haste. . . . I found this place,
outside the Park, and was fairly comfortable for a few days, but she
has found me out. Found me out, and has named the place Tonawanda--
says it LOOKS like that. In fact I was not sorry she came,
for there are but meager pickings here, and she brought some
of those apples. I was obliged to eat them, I was so hungry.
It was against my principles, but I find that principles have no
real force except when one is well fed. . . . She came curtained
in boughs and bunches of leaves, and when I asked her what she
meant by such nonsense, and snatched them away and threw them down,
she tittered and blushed. I had never seen a person titter
and blush before, and to me it seemed unbecoming and idiotic.
She said I would soon know how it was myself. This was correct.
Hungry as I was, I laid down the apple half-eaten--certainly the
best one I ever saw, considering the lateness of the season--
and arrayed myself in the discarded boughs and branches, and then
spoke to her with some severity and ordered her to go and get some
more and not make a spectacle or herself. She did it, and after this
we crept down to where the wild-beast battle had been, and collected
some skins, and I made her patch together a couple of suits proper
for public occasions. They are uncomfortable, it is true, but stylish,
and that is the main point about clothes. . . . I find she is a
good deal of a companion. I see I should be lonesome and depressed
without her, now that I have lost my property. Another thing,
she says it is ordered that we work for our living hereafter.
She will be useful. I will superintend.
TEN DAYS LATER.--She accuses ME of being the cause of our disaster!
She says, with apparent sincerity and truth, that the Serpent assured
her that the forbidden fruit was not apples, it was chestnuts.
I said I was innocent, then, for I had not eaten any chestnuts.
She said the Serpent informed her that "chestnut" was a figurative
term meaning an aged and moldy joke. I turned pale at that,
for I have made many jokes to pass the weary time, and some of them
could have been of that sort, though I had honestly supposed
that they were new when I made them. She asked me if I had made
one just at the time of the catastrophe. I was obliged to admit
that I had made one to myself, though not aloud. It was this.
I was thinking about the Falls, and I said to myself, "How wonderful
it is to see that vast body of water tumble down there!"
Then in an instant a bright thought flashed into my head, and I let
it fly, saying, "It would be a deal more wonderful to see it tumble
UP there!"--and I was just about to kill myself with laughing at
it when all nature broke loose in war and death and I had to flee
for my life. "There," she said, with triumph, "that is just it;
the Serpent mentioned that very jest, and called it the First Chestnut,
and said it was coeval with the creation." Alas, I am indeed
to blame. Would that I were not witty; oh, that I had never had
that radiant thought!
NEXT YEAR.--We have named it Cain. She caught it while I was up country
trapping on the North Shore of the Erie; caught it in the timber a
couple of miles from our dug-out--or it might have been four, she isn't
certain which. It resembles us in some ways, and may be a relation.
That is what she thinks, but this is an error, in my judgment.
The difference in size warrants the conclusion that it is a different
and new kind of animal--a fish, perhaps, though when I put it in the
water to see, it sank, and she plunged in and snatched it out before
there was opportunity for the experiment to determine the matter.
I still think it is a fish, but she is indifferent about what it is,
and will not let me have it to try. I do not understand this.
The coming of the creature seems to have changed her whole nature
and made her unreasonable about experiments. She thinks more
of it than she does of any of the other animals, but is not able
to explain why. Her mind is disordered--everything shows it.
Sometimes she carries the fish in her arms half the night when it
complains and wants to get to the water. At such times the water
comes out of the places in her face that she looks out of, and she
pats the fish on the back and makes soft sounds with her mouth
to soothe it, and betrays sorrow and solicitude in a hundred ways.
I have never seen her do like this with any other fish, and it
troubles me greatly. She used to carry the young tigers around so,
and play with them, before we lost our property, but it was only play;
she never took on about them like this when their dinner disagreed
with them.
SUNDAY.--She doesn't work, Sundays, but lies around all tired out,
and likes to have the fish wallow over her; and she makes fool
noises to amuse it, and pretends to chew its paws, and that makes
it laugh. I have not seen a fish before that could laugh.
This makes me doubt. . . . I have come to like Sunday myself.
Superintending all the week tires a body so. There ought to be
more Sundays. In the old days they were tough, but now they
come handy.
WEDNESDAY.--It isn't a fish. I cannot quite make out what it is.
It makes curious devilish noises when not satisfied, and says "goo-goo"
when it is. It is not one of us, for it doesn't walk; it is not
a bird, for it doesn't fly; it is not a frog, for it doesn't hop;
it is not a snake, for it doesn't crawl; I feel sure it is not a fish,
though I cannot get a chance to find out whether it can swim or not.
It merely lies around, and mostly on its back, with its feet up.
I have not seen any other animal do that before. I said I believed it
was an enigma; but she only admired the word without understanding it.
In my judgment it is either an enigma or some kind of a bug.
If it dies, I will take it apart and see what its arrangements are.
I never had a thing perplex me so.
THREE MONTHS LATER.--The perplexity augments instead of diminishing.
I sleep but little. It has ceased from lying around, and goes about on
its four legs now. Yet it differs from the other four legged animals,
in that its front legs are unusually short, consequently this
causes the main part of its person to stick up uncomfortably high
in the air, and this is not attractive. It is built much as we are,
but its method of traveling shows that it is not of our breed.
The short front legs and long hind ones indicate that it is a of
the kangaroo family, but it is a marked variation of that species,
since the true kangaroo hops, whereas this one never does.
Still it is a curious and interesting variety, and has not been
catalogued before. As I discovered it, I have felt justified
in securing the credit of the discovery by attaching my name to it,
and hence have called it KANGAROORUM ADAMIENSIS. . . . It must have
been a young one when it came, for it has grown exceedingly since.
It must be five times as big, now, as it was then, and when
discontented it is able to make from twenty-two to thirty-eight times
the noise it made at first. Coercion does not modify this, but has
the contrary effect. For this reason I discontinued the system.
She reconciles it by persuasion, and by giving it things which she
had previously told me she wouldn't give it. As already observed,
I was not at home when it first came, and she told me she found it
in the woods. It seems odd that it should be the only one, yet it
must be so, for I have worn myself out these many weeks trying to find
another one to add to my collection, and for this to play with;
for surely then it would be quieter and we could tame it more easily.
But I find none, nor any vestige of any; and strangest of all,
no tracks. It has to live on the ground, it cannot help itself;
therefore, how does it get about without leaving a track?
I have set a dozen traps, but they do no good. I catch all small
animals except that one; animals that merely go into the trap out
of curiosity, I think, to see what the milk is there for. They never
drink it.
THREE MONTHS LATER.--The Kangaroo still continues to grow, which is
very strange and perplexing. I never knew one to be so long getting
its growth. It has fur on its head now; not like kangaroo fur,
but exactly like our hair except that it is much finer and softer,
and instead of being black is red. I am like to lose my mind over
the capricious and harassing developments of this unclassifiable
zoological freak. If I could catch another one--but that is hopeless;
it is a new variety, and the only sample; this is plain. But I
caught a true kangaroo and brought it in, thinking that this one,
being lonesome, would rather have that for company than have no kin
at all, or any animal it could feel a nearness to or get sympathy
from in its forlorn condition here among strangers who do not
know its ways or habits, or what to do to make it feel that it
is among friends; but it was a mistake--it went into such fits at
the sight of the kangaroo that I was convinced it had never seen
one before. I pity the poor noisy little animal, but there is
nothing I can do to make it happy. If I could tame it--but that is
out of the question; the more I try the worse I seem to make it.
It grieves me to the heart to see it in its little storms of sorrow
and passion. I wanted to let it go, but she wouldn't hear of it.
That seemed cruel and not like her; and yet she may be right.
It might be lonelier than ever; for since I cannot find another one,
how could IT?
FIVE MONTHS LATER.--It is not a kangaroo. No, for it supports
itself by holding to her finger, and thus goes a few steps on its
hind legs, and then falls down. It is probably some kind of a bear;
and yet it has no tail--as yet--and no fur, except upon its head.
It still keeps on growing--that is a curious circumstance,
for bears get their growth earlier than this. Bears are dangerous--
since our catastrophe--and I shall not be satisfied to have this
one prowling about the place much longer without a muzzle on.
I have offered to get her a kangaroo if she would let this one go,
but it did no good--she is determined to run us into all sorts
of foolish risks, I think. She was not like this before she lost
her mind.
A FORTNIGHT LATER.--I examined its mouth. There is no danger yet:
it has only one tooth. It has no tail yet. It makes more noise
now than it ever did before--and mainly at night. I have moved out.
But I shall go over, mornings, to breakfast, and see if it has
more teeth. If it gets a mouthful of teeth it will be time for it
to go, tail or no tail, for a bear does not need a tail in order to
be dangerous.
FOUR MONTHS LATER.--I have been off hunting and fishing a month,
up in the region that she calls Buffalo; I don't know why, unless it
is because there are not any buffaloes there. Meantime the bear
has learned to paddle around all by itself on its hind legs,
and says "poppa" and "momma." It is certainly a new species.
This resemblance to words may be purely accidental, of course,
and may have no purpose or meaning; but even in that case it is
still extraordinary, and is a thing which no other bear can do.
This imitation of speech, taken together with general absence of fur
and entire absence of tail, sufficiently indicates that this is a new
kind of bear. The further study of it will be exceedingly interesting.
Meantime I will go off on a far expedition among the forests of
the north and make an exhaustive search. There must certainly be
another one somewhere, and this one will be less dangerous when it
has company of its own species. I will go straightway; but I will
muzzle this one first.
THREE MONTHS LATER.--It has been a weary, weary hunt, yet I have
had no success. In the mean time, without stirring from the
home estate, she has caught another one! I never saw such luck.
I might have hunted these woods a hundred years, I never would
have run across that thing.
NEXT DAY.--I have been comparing the new one with the old one,
and it is perfectly plain that they are of the same breed.
I was going to stuff one of them for my collection, but she
is prejudiced against it for some reason or other; so I have
relinquished the idea, though I think it is a mistake. It would
be an irreparable loss to science if they should get away.
The old one is tamer than it was and can laugh and talk like a parrot,
having learned this, no doubt, from being with the parrot so much,
and having the imitative faculty in a high developed degree.
I shall be astonished if it turns out to be a new kind of parrot;
and yet I ought not to be astonished, for it has already been
everything else it could think of since those first days when it
was a fish. The new one is as ugly as the old one was at first;
has the same sulphur-and-raw-meat complexion and the same singular
head without any fur on it. She calls it Abel.
TEN YEARS LATER.--They are BOYS; we found it out long ago.
It was their coming in that small immature shape that puzzled us;
we were not used to it. There are some girls now. Abel is a good boy,
but if Cain had stayed a bear it would have improved him. After all
these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning;
it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it
without her. At first I thought she talked too much; but now I should
be sorry to have that voice fall silent and pass out of my life.
Blessed be the chestnut that brought us near together and taught me
to know the goodness of her heart and the sweetness of her spirit!
By Mark Twain
¶ 01:57 0 Comments Links to this post
- Sorry mind is buzzing tonight, so I figured I would toss up some "thinkers". Enjoy.
- The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. The trite subjects of human efforts, possessions, outward success, luxury have always seemed to me contemptible.
- - Albert Einstein
- D.H. Lawrence - Self-pity
I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.
Mark Twain has always been one of my favorites.
MONDAY.--This new creature with the long hair is a good deal
in the way. It is always hanging around and following me about.
I don't like this; I am not used to company. I wish it would stay
with the other animals. . . . Cloudy today, wind in the east;
think we shall have rain. . . . WE? Where did I get that word--
the new creature uses it.
TUESDAY.--Been examining the great waterfall. It is the finest thing
on the estate, I think. The new creature calls it Niagara Falls--
why, I am sure I do not know. Says it LOOKS like Niagara Falls.
That is not a reason, it is mere waywardness and imbecility.
I get no chance to name anything myself. The new creature names
everything that comes along, before I can get in a protest.
And always that same pretext is offered--it LOOKS like the thing.
There is a dodo, for instance. Says the moment one looks at it
one sees at a glance that it "looks like a dodo." It will have to
keep that name, no doubt. It wearies me to fret about it, and it
does no good, anyway. Dodo! It looks no more like a dodo than
I do.
WEDNESDAY.--Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not
have it to myself in peace. The new creature intruded. When I
tried to put it out it shed water out of the holes it looks with,
and wiped it away with the back of its paws, and made a noise
such as some of the other animals make when they are in distress.
I wish it would not talk; it is always talking. That sounds like a
cheap fling at the poor creature, a slur; but I do not mean it so.
I have never heard the human voice before, and any new and strange
sound intruding itself here upon the solemn hush of these dreaming
solitudes offends my ear and seems a false note. And this new sound
is so close to me; it is right at my shoulder, right at my ear,
first on one side and then on the other, and I am used only to sounds
that are more or less distant from me.
FRIDAY. The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do.
I had a very good name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty--
GARDEN OF EDEN. Privately, I continue to call it that, but not any
longer publicly. The new creature says it is all woods and rocks
and scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden. Says it
LOOKS like a park, and does not look like anything BUT a park.
Consequently, without consulting me, it has been new-named NIAGARA
FALLS PARK. This is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to me.
And already there is a sign up:
KEEP OFF
THE GRASS
My life is not as happy as it was.
SATURDAY.--The new creature eats too much fruit. We are going
to run short, most likely. "We" again--that is ITS word; mine, too,
now, from hearing it so much. Good deal of fog this morning.
I do not go out in the fog myself. This new creature does.
It goes out in all weathers, and stumps right in with its muddy feet.
And talks. It used to be so pleasant and quiet here.
SUNDAY.--Pulled through. This day is getting to be more and more trying.
It was selected and set apart last November as a day of rest.
I had already six of them per week before. This morning found
the new creature trying to clod apples out of that forbidden tree.
MONDAY.--The new creature says its name is Eve. That is all right,
I have no objections. Says it is to call it by, when I want it
to come. I said it was superfluous, then. The word evidently
raised me in its respect; and indeed it is a large, good word
and will bear repetition. It says it is not an It, it is a She.
This is probably doubtful; yet it is all one to me; what she is were
nothing to me if she would but go by herself and not talk.
TUESDAY.--She has littered the whole estate with execrable names
and offensive signs:
This way to the Whirlpool
This way to Goat Island
Cave of the Winds this way
She says this park would make a tidy summer resort if there was
any custom for it. Summer resort--another invention of hers--
just words, without any meaning. What is a summer resort?
But it is best not to ask her, she has such a rage for explaining.
FRIDAY.--She has taken to beseeching me to stop going over the Falls.
What harm does it do? Says it makes her shudder. I wonder why;
I have always done it--always liked the plunge, and coolness.
I supposed it was what the Falls were for. They have no other
use that I can see, and they must have been made for something.
She says they were only made for scenery--like the rhinoceros and
the mastodon.
I went over the Falls in a barrel--not satisfactory to her.
Went over in a tub--still not satisfactory. Swam the Whirlpool and
the Rapids in a fig-leaf suit. It got much damaged. Hence, tedious
complaints about my extravagance. I am too much hampered here.
What I need is a change of scene.
SATURDAY.--I escaped last Tuesday night, and traveled two days,
and built me another shelter in a secluded place, and obliterated my
tracks as well as I could, but she hunted me out by means of a beast
which she has tamed and calls a wolf, and came making that pitiful
noise again, and shedding that water out of the places she looks with.
I was obliged to return with her, but will presently emigrate again
when occasion offers. She engages herself in many foolish things;
among others; to study out why the animals called lions and tigers
live on grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of teeth they
wear would indicate that they were intended to eat each other.
This is foolish, because to do that would be to kill each other,
and that would introduce what, as I understand, is called "death";
and death, as I have been told, has not yet entered the Park.
Which is a pity, on some accounts.
SUNDAY.--Pulled through.
MONDAY.--I believe I see what the week is for: it is to give time
to rest up from the weariness of Sunday. It seems a good idea.
. . . She has been climbing that tree again. Clodded her out of it.
She said nobody was looking. Seems to consider that a sufficient
justification for chancing any dangerous thing. Told her that.
The word justification moved her admiration--and envy, too, I thought.
It is a good word.
TUESDAY.--She told me she was made out of a rib taken from my body.
This is at least doubtful, if not more than that. I have not
missed any rib. . . . She is in much trouble about the buzzard;
says grass does not agree with it; is afraid she can't raise it;
thinks it was intended to live on decayed flesh. The buzzard must
get along the best it can with what is provided. We cannot overturn
the whole scheme to accommodate the buzzard.
SATURDAY.--She fell in the pond yesterday when she was looking at
herself in it, which she is always doing. She nearly strangled,
and said it was most uncomfortable. This made her sorry for the
creatures which live in there, which she calls fish, for she continues
to fasten names on to things that don't need them and don't come
when they are called by them, which is a matter of no consequence
to her, she is such a numbskull, anyway; so she got a lot of them out
and brought them in last night and put them in my bed to keep warm,
but I have noticed them now and then all day and I don't see that
they are any happier there then they were before, only quieter.
When night comes I shall throw them outdoors. I will not sleep
with them again, for I find them clammy and unpleasant to lie among
when a person hasn't anything on.
SUNDAY.--Pulled through.
TUESDAY.--She has taken up with a snake now. The other animals are glad,
for she was always experimenting with them and bothering them;
and I am glad because the snake talks, and this enables me to get
a rest.
FRIDAY.--She says the snake advises her to try the fruit of the tree,
and says the result will be a great and fine and noble education.
I told her there would be another result, too--it would introduce
death into the world. That was a mistake--it had been better
to keep the remark to myself; it only gave her an idea--she could
save the sick buzzard, and furnish fresh meat to the despondent
lions and tigers. I advised her to keep away from the tree.
She said she wouldn't. I foresee trouble. Will emigrate.
WEDNESDAY.--I have had a variegated time. I escaped last night,
and rode a horse all night as fast as he could go, hoping to get
clear of the Park and hide in some other country before the
trouble should begin; but it was not to be. About an hour after
sun-up, as I was riding through a flowery plain where thousands
of animals were grazing, slumbering, or playing with each other,
according to their wont, all of a sudden they broke into a tempest
of frightful noises, and in one moment the plain was a frantic commotion
and every beast was destroying its neighbor. I knew what it meant--
Eve had eaten that fruit, and death was come into the world.
. . . The tigers ate my house, paying no attention when I ordered
them to desist, and they would have eaten me if I had stayed--
which I didn't, but went away in much haste. . . . I found this place,
outside the Park, and was fairly comfortable for a few days, but she
has found me out. Found me out, and has named the place Tonawanda--
says it LOOKS like that. In fact I was not sorry she came,
for there are but meager pickings here, and she brought some
of those apples. I was obliged to eat them, I was so hungry.
It was against my principles, but I find that principles have no
real force except when one is well fed. . . . She came curtained
in boughs and bunches of leaves, and when I asked her what she
meant by such nonsense, and snatched them away and threw them down,
she tittered and blushed. I had never seen a person titter
and blush before, and to me it seemed unbecoming and idiotic.
She said I would soon know how it was myself. This was correct.
Hungry as I was, I laid down the apple half-eaten--certainly the
best one I ever saw, considering the lateness of the season--
and arrayed myself in the discarded boughs and branches, and then
spoke to her with some severity and ordered her to go and get some
more and not make a spectacle or herself. She did it, and after this
we crept down to where the wild-beast battle had been, and collected
some skins, and I made her patch together a couple of suits proper
for public occasions. They are uncomfortable, it is true, but stylish,
and that is the main point about clothes. . . . I find she is a
good deal of a companion. I see I should be lonesome and depressed
without her, now that I have lost my property. Another thing,
she says it is ordered that we work for our living hereafter.
She will be useful. I will superintend.
TEN DAYS LATER.--She accuses ME of being the cause of our disaster!
She says, with apparent sincerity and truth, that the Serpent assured
her that the forbidden fruit was not apples, it was chestnuts.
I said I was innocent, then, for I had not eaten any chestnuts.
She said the Serpent informed her that "chestnut" was a figurative
term meaning an aged and moldy joke. I turned pale at that,
for I have made many jokes to pass the weary time, and some of them
could have been of that sort, though I had honestly supposed
that they were new when I made them. She asked me if I had made
one just at the time of the catastrophe. I was obliged to admit
that I had made one to myself, though not aloud. It was this.
I was thinking about the Falls, and I said to myself, "How wonderful
it is to see that vast body of water tumble down there!"
Then in an instant a bright thought flashed into my head, and I let
it fly, saying, "It would be a deal more wonderful to see it tumble
UP there!"--and I was just about to kill myself with laughing at
it when all nature broke loose in war and death and I had to flee
for my life. "There," she said, with triumph, "that is just it;
the Serpent mentioned that very jest, and called it the First Chestnut,
and said it was coeval with the creation." Alas, I am indeed
to blame. Would that I were not witty; oh, that I had never had
that radiant thought!
NEXT YEAR.--We have named it Cain. She caught it while I was up country
trapping on the North Shore of the Erie; caught it in the timber a
couple of miles from our dug-out--or it might have been four, she isn't
certain which. It resembles us in some ways, and may be a relation.
That is what she thinks, but this is an error, in my judgment.
The difference in size warrants the conclusion that it is a different
and new kind of animal--a fish, perhaps, though when I put it in the
water to see, it sank, and she plunged in and snatched it out before
there was opportunity for the experiment to determine the matter.
I still think it is a fish, but she is indifferent about what it is,
and will not let me have it to try. I do not understand this.
The coming of the creature seems to have changed her whole nature
and made her unreasonable about experiments. She thinks more
of it than she does of any of the other animals, but is not able
to explain why. Her mind is disordered--everything shows it.
Sometimes she carries the fish in her arms half the night when it
complains and wants to get to the water. At such times the water
comes out of the places in her face that she looks out of, and she
pats the fish on the back and makes soft sounds with her mouth
to soothe it, and betrays sorrow and solicitude in a hundred ways.
I have never seen her do like this with any other fish, and it
troubles me greatly. She used to carry the young tigers around so,
and play with them, before we lost our property, but it was only play;
she never took on about them like this when their dinner disagreed
with them.
SUNDAY.--She doesn't work, Sundays, but lies around all tired out,
and likes to have the fish wallow over her; and she makes fool
noises to amuse it, and pretends to chew its paws, and that makes
it laugh. I have not seen a fish before that could laugh.
This makes me doubt. . . . I have come to like Sunday myself.
Superintending all the week tires a body so. There ought to be
more Sundays. In the old days they were tough, but now they
come handy.
WEDNESDAY.--It isn't a fish. I cannot quite make out what it is.
It makes curious devilish noises when not satisfied, and says "goo-goo"
when it is. It is not one of us, for it doesn't walk; it is not
a bird, for it doesn't fly; it is not a frog, for it doesn't hop;
it is not a snake, for it doesn't crawl; I feel sure it is not a fish,
though I cannot get a chance to find out whether it can swim or not.
It merely lies around, and mostly on its back, with its feet up.
I have not seen any other animal do that before. I said I believed it
was an enigma; but she only admired the word without understanding it.
In my judgment it is either an enigma or some kind of a bug.
If it dies, I will take it apart and see what its arrangements are.
I never had a thing perplex me so.
THREE MONTHS LATER.--The perplexity augments instead of diminishing.
I sleep but little. It has ceased from lying around, and goes about on
its four legs now. Yet it differs from the other four legged animals,
in that its front legs are unusually short, consequently this
causes the main part of its person to stick up uncomfortably high
in the air, and this is not attractive. It is built much as we are,
but its method of traveling shows that it is not of our breed.
The short front legs and long hind ones indicate that it is a of
the kangaroo family, but it is a marked variation of that species,
since the true kangaroo hops, whereas this one never does.
Still it is a curious and interesting variety, and has not been
catalogued before. As I discovered it, I have felt justified
in securing the credit of the discovery by attaching my name to it,
and hence have called it KANGAROORUM ADAMIENSIS. . . . It must have
been a young one when it came, for it has grown exceedingly since.
It must be five times as big, now, as it was then, and when
discontented it is able to make from twenty-two to thirty-eight times
the noise it made at first. Coercion does not modify this, but has
the contrary effect. For this reason I discontinued the system.
She reconciles it by persuasion, and by giving it things which she
had previously told me she wouldn't give it. As already observed,
I was not at home when it first came, and she told me she found it
in the woods. It seems odd that it should be the only one, yet it
must be so, for I have worn myself out these many weeks trying to find
another one to add to my collection, and for this to play with;
for surely then it would be quieter and we could tame it more easily.
But I find none, nor any vestige of any; and strangest of all,
no tracks. It has to live on the ground, it cannot help itself;
therefore, how does it get about without leaving a track?
I have set a dozen traps, but they do no good. I catch all small
animals except that one; animals that merely go into the trap out
of curiosity, I think, to see what the milk is there for. They never
drink it.
THREE MONTHS LATER.--The Kangaroo still continues to grow, which is
very strange and perplexing. I never knew one to be so long getting
its growth. It has fur on its head now; not like kangaroo fur,
but exactly like our hair except that it is much finer and softer,
and instead of being black is red. I am like to lose my mind over
the capricious and harassing developments of this unclassifiable
zoological freak. If I could catch another one--but that is hopeless;
it is a new variety, and the only sample; this is plain. But I
caught a true kangaroo and brought it in, thinking that this one,
being lonesome, would rather have that for company than have no kin
at all, or any animal it could feel a nearness to or get sympathy
from in its forlorn condition here among strangers who do not
know its ways or habits, or what to do to make it feel that it
is among friends; but it was a mistake--it went into such fits at
the sight of the kangaroo that I was convinced it had never seen
one before. I pity the poor noisy little animal, but there is
nothing I can do to make it happy. If I could tame it--but that is
out of the question; the more I try the worse I seem to make it.
It grieves me to the heart to see it in its little storms of sorrow
and passion. I wanted to let it go, but she wouldn't hear of it.
That seemed cruel and not like her; and yet she may be right.
It might be lonelier than ever; for since I cannot find another one,
how could IT?
FIVE MONTHS LATER.--It is not a kangaroo. No, for it supports
itself by holding to her finger, and thus goes a few steps on its
hind legs, and then falls down. It is probably some kind of a bear;
and yet it has no tail--as yet--and no fur, except upon its head.
It still keeps on growing--that is a curious circumstance,
for bears get their growth earlier than this. Bears are dangerous--
since our catastrophe--and I shall not be satisfied to have this
one prowling about the place much longer without a muzzle on.
I have offered to get her a kangaroo if she would let this one go,
but it did no good--she is determined to run us into all sorts
of foolish risks, I think. She was not like this before she lost
her mind.
A FORTNIGHT LATER.--I examined its mouth. There is no danger yet:
it has only one tooth. It has no tail yet. It makes more noise
now than it ever did before--and mainly at night. I have moved out.
But I shall go over, mornings, to breakfast, and see if it has
more teeth. If it gets a mouthful of teeth it will be time for it
to go, tail or no tail, for a bear does not need a tail in order to
be dangerous.
FOUR MONTHS LATER.--I have been off hunting and fishing a month,
up in the region that she calls Buffalo; I don't know why, unless it
is because there are not any buffaloes there. Meantime the bear
has learned to paddle around all by itself on its hind legs,
and says "poppa" and "momma." It is certainly a new species.
This resemblance to words may be purely accidental, of course,
and may have no purpose or meaning; but even in that case it is
still extraordinary, and is a thing which no other bear can do.
This imitation of speech, taken together with general absence of fur
and entire absence of tail, sufficiently indicates that this is a new
kind of bear. The further study of it will be exceedingly interesting.
Meantime I will go off on a far expedition among the forests of
the north and make an exhaustive search. There must certainly be
another one somewhere, and this one will be less dangerous when it
has company of its own species. I will go straightway; but I will
muzzle this one first.
THREE MONTHS LATER.--It has been a weary, weary hunt, yet I have
had no success. In the mean time, without stirring from the
home estate, she has caught another one! I never saw such luck.
I might have hunted these woods a hundred years, I never would
have run across that thing.
NEXT DAY.--I have been comparing the new one with the old one,
and it is perfectly plain that they are of the same breed.
I was going to stuff one of them for my collection, but she
is prejudiced against it for some reason or other; so I have
relinquished the idea, though I think it is a mistake. It would
be an irreparable loss to science if they should get away.
The old one is tamer than it was and can laugh and talk like a parrot,
having learned this, no doubt, from being with the parrot so much,
and having the imitative faculty in a high developed degree.
I shall be astonished if it turns out to be a new kind of parrot;
and yet I ought not to be astonished, for it has already been
everything else it could think of since those first days when it
was a fish. The new one is as ugly as the old one was at first;
has the same sulphur-and-raw-meat complexion and the same singular
head without any fur on it. She calls it Abel.
TEN YEARS LATER.--They are BOYS; we found it out long ago.
It was their coming in that small immature shape that puzzled us;
we were not used to it. There are some girls now. Abel is a good boy,
but if Cain had stayed a bear it would have improved him. After all
these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning;
it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it
without her. At first I thought she talked too much; but now I should
be sorry to have that voice fall silent and pass out of my life.
Blessed be the chestnut that brought us near together and taught me
to know the goodness of her heart and the sweetness of her spirit!
By Mark Twain
¶ 01:57 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
That Aching Back
A) Ice and Heat. During the first 48 hours after a back injury ice slows down the swelling process and acts to reduce the pain. After 48 hours, however, it loses these abilities. This is when your switch to heat, as in the form of a heating pad. This increases the blood flow to recovering tissue and relaxes the muscles.
B) Massage. Be it done by a friend or family member with a nice touch or a professional, a massage can relax strained muscles and, just as importantly, a strained psyche that is causing back muscles to tense up.
C) Keep Moving. When we are hurt instinct tells us to lay low and keep movement to a minimum. Indeed, the traditional approach to treating back pain used to tell us exactly that. More recent studies, however, have shown that careful movement does a better job of promoting recovery than remaining still. Much can be accomplished with simple exercises – provided you have consulted with a specialist who can dispense advice and instructions on what is best for you.
D) Change Your Routine. Though movement can help in the recovery from a back injury, it is also important during this period to avoid things that result in putting too much stress, be it physical or psychological, on your healing back. Whether it is in improving your posture in a chair, not lifting heavy objects, or avoiding things that cause you aggravation, adapt your daily routine to the requirements of your recovering back. Otherwise, there is a pronounced risk of re-injury, a longer than necessary recovery period, or an injury that does not heal properly and is vulnerable to further damage.
E) Pain Management. For persistent or long lasting pain, refer to the chapter on chronic pain for additional strategies.
The Simple Things
Exercise
The sleeping method recommended by many experts in on your back with three sources of support for your body: one below your lower back that is fitted to the curve there, one below your knees that supports them enough to take strain off the lower back, and a pillow below your neck that, like the lower back support, conforms to the natural curve found there and provides support.
RESOURCES
25 years ago when I was at the age of 14 the adrenaline junkie in me was always working overtime to get my next adrenaline high and one of my favorite rushes came from riding my bike down this steep hill and trying to see how fast and how far I could go without losing control of my bike.
My bike was a state of the art (at the time) 10 speed, baby blue and very fast. I'd have to walk the bike to the very top of this road that had a slight curve where it started to level off and there I would look down and inspect my home town and the traffic that I was soon to challenge. I would mount the bike and twist its front end around pointing it down the road and down the hill I would go. Every time I ran this course I would peddle faster and faster. I remember it all just like I had gone down it yesterday, the wind rushing by me and the street racing under me.
The only problem was I had to get through five intersections before I was out of danger. You see the best part of this is that... I had to dodge cars at the same time (you didn't think this was going to be easy did you) as I was speeding down this street and through busy intersections.
On this one day and my last trip down this hill I almost made it through all of them like I had many times before. I came up to the two lane street the busiest of the five and number four on my trip down and I knew I couldn't make it way to much traffic now. I pulled back on the brakes as hard as I could, at first the brakes slowed me quickly then all of the sudden... nothing... it was like I was sliding on ice. So I attempted to turn with the traffic rather then run right into it, this would have worked had it not been for timing, a second faster or a second slower it wouldn't have been a problem. On this day I ran right into a moving car, actually both of us hit each other, but it is and was my entire fault. I still remember hitting the ground but nothing else until the ambulance got there. I was out like a light. A slight concussion and twisted mangled lower back.... You bet... it did one hell of a number on me.
Well this is both a good thing and a bad. I became involved in weight training because of this and believe it or not the only time my back ever bothered me after that was when I wasn't training and the same holds true today. Don't get me wrong, I've re-injured my back several times and most all them was while I was getting my adrenaline fix, but I always bounce back. Because of this I've got an edge on most people when it comes to knowing how to heal up and get back on my feet. So hence the article below. Just some tips on back injuries.
PREVENTIVE AND HEALING STRATEGIES & TIPS
What you can do to prevent back pain and injuries and, if you do sustain them, what can be done to promote the healing process? Though the focus here is on what can be done on an individual basis, it must always be remembered that there is no replacement for consultation with a qualified physician. 80 percent of the adult population suffers from back pain at some point in their lives, so, whether it’s you of somebody you care for, it is useful to have some techniques at hand for treating it.
The good news about back pain is that is usually goes away on its own over time. The vast majority of it comes from simply straining muscles and joints at levels they are not designed to withstand, which leads into the first recommendation:
Slow Down. In most cases a few days worth of reducing the normal load you put on your back in enough. A strained back muscle may cramp or “freeze,” which causes acute discomfort. Given time to mend, however, the muscle will began to relax and the body’s natural healing processes will commence.
Over-The-Counter-Medications. In response to an injury a body part may become inflamed, which you will know by the signs of swelling, pain, warmth, and redness. To achieve a measure of pain relief and assist the healing process you can buy over-the-counter anti-inflammatory medications like ibuprofen. Acetaminophen is another alternative. Though not an anti-inflammatory drug, it does treat pain effectively and is easier on the stomach.
A) Ice and Heat. During the first 48 hours after a back injury ice slows down the swelling process and acts to reduce the pain. After 48 hours, however, it loses these abilities. This is when your switch to heat, as in the form of a heating pad. This increases the blood flow to recovering tissue and relaxes the muscles.
B) Massage. Be it done by a friend or family member with a nice touch or a professional, a massage can relax strained muscles and, just as importantly, a strained psyche that is causing back muscles to tense up.
C) Keep Moving. When we are hurt instinct tells us to lay low and keep movement to a minimum. Indeed, the traditional approach to treating back pain used to tell us exactly that. More recent studies, however, have shown that careful movement does a better job of promoting recovery than remaining still. Much can be accomplished with simple exercises – provided you have consulted with a specialist who can dispense advice and instructions on what is best for you.
D) Change Your Routine. Though movement can help in the recovery from a back injury, it is also important during this period to avoid things that result in putting too much stress, be it physical or psychological, on your healing back. Whether it is in improving your posture in a chair, not lifting heavy objects, or avoiding things that cause you aggravation, adapt your daily routine to the requirements of your recovering back. Otherwise, there is a pronounced risk of re-injury, a longer than necessary recovery period, or an injury that does not heal properly and is vulnerable to further damage.
E) Pain Management. For persistent or long lasting pain, refer to the chapter on chronic pain for additional strategies.
The Simple Things
An encouraging thing about back pain is that so much of it can be avoided by simple cautionary measures, usually, in fact, by making slight modifications to things we do every day.
Standing
When standing upright, your chest should be forward, your head up, shoulders straight, and your weight even distributed between your feet with your hips tucked in. If you have to remain standing for long periods, avoid remaining in the same position for the entire time. Be sure to move around and change positions regularly. Another good idea is to rest one foot on a stool, curb, etc. then switch to the other foot after a few minutes.
If your work requires you to perform tasks on a platform or desk make sure to adjust it to a height that is comfortable for you. Spending day after day hunched over while on your feet is almost a sure recipe for back problems.
Sitting
In today’s work world many of us have jobs that involve spending most of our time in a seated position. The rule of thumb here is to sit for as little as possible, and even then for only short periods of time. Since this is not always possible, be sure to get up and walk around frequently. Even a short stroll across a room will help.
When in a seated position for long periods, sit with a support positioned in the curve of your back. Nothing fancy, even a firm pillow or a rolled up towel will do the trick. At the same time, keep your hips and knees at right angles. If your chair is too high for this, either replace the chair or get a stool to rest your feet on. Otherwise keep both feet on the floor and do not cross your legs.
The chair you use should be firm and have a high back and arm rests. The problems with soft chairs or couches in that the curve in your back is not supported and it can come to be in a rounded position, which causes the kind of muscle and joint stress that leads to problems.
When seated in a chair in front of a desk, make sure the different pieces of furniture complement each other so that you can sit up straight as you work, with your elbows and arms on your chair or desk and your shoulders relaxed. Hunching or leaning over should be avoided.
Finally, when getting out of a chair after sitting for a period of time, be sure to stand up by straightening your legs, not bending at the waist. Once in a standing position stretch your back by doing a series of simple back bends.
Much of the same applies when driving in a seated position. Support the curve of your back and be sure your seat is positioned close enough to the wheel so that your knees can bend and your feet reach the pedals without having to stretch for them.
Lifting
The simplest thing to do is avoid lifting heavy objects, or those whose size or shape make them awkward to move. Since lifting cannot always be avoided, be sure not to lift with your back. When grasping a object to be lifted have it close to your body with your feet spread shoulder width apart and planted firmly on the ground. Use your leg muscles to do the actual lifting, with the simplest means of doing this being to start with your legs bent so that you merely need to straighten your knees.
Once you have lifted the object, keep it in front of you and move with small, slow steps. Instead of twisting, change direction with your entire body coordinated together for the move. When the object is set down, once again keep it close to your body and let your legs do the work. Remember, the muscles in your legs are a lot bigger and stronger than those in the lower back.
Exercise
Many a back injury can be prevented by following an exercise program that keeps the muscles strong and flexible. When designing your own, do so with the aid of your physician, physical therapist, or a qualified trainer.
Sleeping
Invest in a firm mattress and box spring that supports your body without sagging. It is best to sleep in a position where the curve in your back can be supported. Lying on one’s stomach on a soft mattress is exactly the wrong thing to do for your back.
The sleeping method recommended by many experts in on your back with three sources of support for your body: one below your lower back that is fitted to the curve there, one below your knees that supports them enough to take strain off the lower back, and a pillow below your neck that, like the lower back support, conforms to the natural curve found there and provides support.
Here are some other helpful healing strategies and tips for back pain relief. Try one or more to see how they work in with your lifestyle.
CONTROLLED BREATHING
Control your breathing slow and steady for a few minutes. Focus on rhythmic, controlled breathing, holding inhaled breaths in for about three seconds, then exhale and repeat to help redirect focus from back pain and allow the body to naturally respond on its own. Repeat as needed throughout the say to help the body relax.
Some helpful suggestions are:
Choose a comfortable position that takes the strain off your back and is least painful for you. Some suggestions are:
A. On your back with your knees up, rest your lower legs over the coach or a chair.
B. Lie in a fetal position on your side and place a pillow between your knees.
REST
When possible for back relief, rest for a couple of days. Find a couple of your most comfortable breathing positions above and alternatively use them throughout the day. From time to time, every hour to couple hours or so, include these into your routine:
A. Get up and move around a little, walking and arching your back a little.
B. Add some light stretching activities like gently pulling knees, one at a time, to your chest.
C. Light water / pool activity or aqua therapy
D. Light stationary bike riding or sitting in a comfortable chair for brief periods.
OTC HELP
Check with your local drug store pharmacist to see which pain medications are available over-the-counter (OTC). Popular to use are aspirin for overall pain relief, ibuprofen for a combination anti-inflammatory and pain relief response like in the Advil, and acetaminophen products like Tylenol. When selecting the type of medication, keep in mind that liquid gel types absorb fasted into your system. However, regardless of your choice, do follow the directions on the labels, unless otherwise directed by your physician, and follow the recommended dosage guidelines.
Check with your local pharmacist and health store to see which liniments and ointments are available. Some popular items on the market are BENGAY, Tiger Balm and Sportscreme; generally products with a form of rubbing alcohol listed in the ingredients.
Ask about the availability of other back pain remedies including herbal treatments. Some health food stores stock packaged herbal tablets, teas and other products. Be aware, though, that most often these alternative products are not thoroughly tested as OTC products are, nor can the contents be assured for safety, quality and potency.
MISC TIPS
Here are some other back pain relief strategies for you.
1. Place an ice pack on the pain area up to three times a day for about 12 minutes per session during the first two days of the onset of your pain.
2. Moist heat applied to the pain after one day can help sooth your body. A warm washcloth or a heating pad for about 30 minutes should do the trick.
3. After the first day or two, interchange your ice and heat solutions. Heat is for mornings and before physical activity. Ice is for after activities, and in the evening.
4. As your back pain decreases, gradually increase your activity.
RESOURCES
Help yourself to some additional information with our resources for help with back pain relief.
Back RX, Vijay Vad, M.D. and Hilary Hinzmann, Penguin Group (
Chronic Pain, The Complete Guide, Arthur C. Klein, Carroll & Graf Publications, Inc.,
The Complete Doctor’s Healthy Back Bible, Reed, Kendall-Reed, Ford and Gregory, Robert Rose Inc (publishing),
The Pain-Free Back, Harris H. McIlwain, M.D. and Debra Fulghum Bruce, Ph.D., Henry Holt and Company, LLC, 2004.
Understanding Chronic Pain, Angela J. Koestler, Ph.D. and Ann Myers, M.D., University Press of
National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Sin Diseases (NIAMS)
9000 Rockville Pike
www.nih.gov
Spondylitis Association of
(800) 777-8189
www.spondylitis.org
Monday, September 19, 2005
47 HERBAL REMEDIES
Acne
Equal parts: Butternut, Burdock, Echinacea and Cleavers to 5ml of tincture applied three times a day.
Altitude Sickness
In a pot of boiling water, steep Cloves, Allspice, Bay Leaf, Celery Seed, Cinnamon and Marjoram in quantities to taste. Mix in the following mints: Basil, Savory and Thyme. Should be taken in advance of anticipated travel or hike.
Alzheimer’s Disease
This disease affects four million Americans. It strikes about 10 percent of people over 65 and about half of those who live beyond 85. Acetylcholine is a brain chemical known as a neurotransmitter. Acetylcholine is a key ingredient to cognition and reasoning. People with Alzheimer’s often have a deficiency of Acetylcholine. The problem with experimental and FDA approved drugs is their toxicity which carry a potential for liver disease. Since the premise is to slow the degeneration of Acetylcholine and preserve what is already in the brain, there are herbs that can help. It just makes sense to look at herbal alternatives, specifically those herbs that contain compounds that prevent the breakdown of Acetylcholine. Horsebalm, Rosemary, Brazil Nut, Dandelion, Fava Beans, Fenugreek, Ginkgo, Sage, Stinging Nettle, Willow and Gotu Kola are all beneficial for the treatment of Alzheimer’s. Those herbs that can be added as dietary supplements are encouraged. Horsebalm helps to prevent the breakdown of Acetylcholine. Add a few droppers of Horsebalm to a favorite herbal shampoo. Research has also shown that adding foods high in lecithin is promising. Plant foods such as Dandelion Flowers, Poppy Seeds, Soybeans and mung beans should also be added to the diet.
Arthritis
The term Arthritis literally translates to “joint inflammation.” If you suffer from Arthritis, chances are you have taken drugs to combat the effects or tried other “home remedies.” If you haven’t yet tried “Urtication,” it might be helpful. The term “Urtication” comes from the botanical name, Urtica dioica and dates back some 2,000 years to biblical times. Urtica dioica is “Stinging Nettle. The treatment is to grasp the nettles in a gloved hand and swat the sore joints with the nettles. This may seem bizarre, but the practice has proven to be so effective for some sufferers of arthritis that they now maintain a nettle plant on their window sill.
Asthma
Ephedra sinica (Ma Huang) is an excellent bronchodilator. The natural form of Ephedra is better tolerated than the synthetic “edphedrine” causing fewer negative heart symptoms.
Gumweed 24 parts tincture
Pill Bearing Spurge 24 parts tincture
Lobelia 12 parts tincture
Wild Cherry 12 parts tincture
Licorice Root 12 parts tincture
Motherwort 12 parts tincture
Ma Huang 10 parts tincture
Aniseed 1 parts e.o.
5ml. of mixture taken 3 times a day. If Pill Bearing Spurge proves difficult to obtain then double the amount of Gumweed to make up for it.
Athlete’s Foot
Fungicidal essential oils are the most effective topical treatment. Examples are Myrrh, Ti-Tree and Garlic. The treatment will be smelly but will also show dramatic results.
Bad Breath
Chewing on parsley will eliminate bad breath. Chewing on Cardamom is very effective as Cardamom actually kills bad breath bacteria.
Bronchitis
Try two teaspoons of horehound per one cup of boiling water. Add lemon and licorice to taste.
Bruises
Crush and chop chilled parsley and apply to bruised area. Parsley will pull the color from the bruising very quickly. Possible to have the discoloration gone within 24 hours.
Burns
There are three levels of burns. First degree only hurts the outer layer of skin, like a sunburn. Second degree burns will develop blisters indicating the burn has penetrated deeper into the skin and is more painful. The worst type of burn is a third-degree burn and is a medical emergency. For minor first and second degree burns, use a leaf from an aloe plant for instant relief.
Cancer
Let’s make it perfectly clear that as of this writing there is no known cure for Cancer. In fact, the term itself is ambiguous and can be any type of malignant illness. What we will give you here is a Cancer and Blood Purifier:
4 parts Licorice Root
4 parts Red Clover
2 parts Burdock Root
2 parts Stillingia
2 parts Berberis Root
2 parts Poke Root
1 part Cascara Amarga
1 part Prickley Bark
1 part Buckthorne Bark
Fill gelatin capsules. Take 1 on the first day, 2 on the second until you reach 36 per day for 2 years. Avoid vinegar, pork and tomatoes.
Canker Sores
Mouth wash: Equal parts Marshmallow and Chamomile infused to be gargled often. Also consider Balm and St. John’s Wort.
Colds and Flu
At the first sign of sniffles, immediately ingest Echinacea. There are over 200 viruses that can cause the common cold. They are shared by coughing, sneezing and by hand. Therefore, the first treatment is prevention! Wash hands often and well, using a good anti-bacterial soap. Eating garlic can help in the prevention of colds and flu. Here are a few other remedies:
Pour a cup of boiling water over a couple of tablespoons of fresh, shredded Ginger Root. Makes a good hot tea that is effective against the most common cold viruses.
Constipation
One to three tablespoons of whole or crushed Flaxseed two or three times a day will help with chronic constipation. Be sure you get at least eight glasses of water a day to keep the bulk moving through the digestive system.
Coughing
Slice a large onion into rings. Place in deep bowl. Cover the slices with organic honey. Allow to stand overnight. In the morning strain the liquid creating a simple cough elixir.
Dandruff
Create an herbal scalp rinse.
Add one teaspoon of Potassium Chloride (find in salt section at the supermarket) into 6 cups of water. Heat until the Potassium Chloride dissolves. Chop four ounces of fresh Celandine (if fresh is not available use a half cup of the dried herb instead).Add Celandine to the solution. Allow to stand for two hours. Then boil slowly for 20 minutes. Strain out the plant material, and simmer reducing to one and one half cups. Add eight ounces of glycerin and continue simmering reducing the liquid slowly to two cups. Strain the result and bottle it. Store in cool place. Use once or twice a day as a hair rinse.
Depression
Persistent depression is a serious disorder and you should see your doctor for treatment. In the meantime you might like to try a Licorice tea. Simply add some to any of your favorite herbal teas. Using up to approximately 3 cups of tea a day or more or ingesting larger amounts can produce headache, lethargy, sodium and water retention, loss of potassium and high blood pressure. At least eight Licorice compounds are monoamine oxidase (MAO) inhibitors which are compounds capable of potent antidepressant action.
Diarrhea
Use two to three teaspoons of Agrimony (high tannin content) leaves to make a tea.
Apple pulp is rich in pectin. Try eating applesauce.
Use cooked carrots to treat diarrhea in infants. Will soothe the digestive tract while providing nutrients that are lost during the attack.
In all cases, drink plenty of water to prevent dehydration.
Earache
Taken internally, Garlic can help cure a middle ear infection. A few drops of Garlic oil in the ear can’t hurt either. You can also try using a teaspoon of dried Echinacea in tea.
Fever
Two to three teaspoons of Elder flowers a day in tea will help reduce feverish chills.
Try Ginger tea or eat candied ginger or sip ginger ale. Add peppermint to fever-fighting teas.
Flatulence
Ever wonder why the instructions on packages of beans recommend soaking the beans overnight? It actually has nothing to do with the recipe, but everything to do with an anti-gas remedy. You can also deflate flatulence with a tea made up of Camomile, Caraway, Dill, Fennel, Lemon Balm and Peppermint. Sweeten with Licorice.
Gallstones and Kidney Stones
The best way to treat these diseases is with prevention and that begins with drinking six to eight glasses of water each day. This keeps the urine too diluted to create the stones in the first place. Drink several cups of Stinging Nettle Tea each day to prevent and treat kidney stones. To one cup of boiling water, steep one teaspoon of finely chopped dried herb.
Gout
It is purported that Celery Seed keeps uric acid below critical levels. Try taking two to four tablets of celery seed extract daily.
Headache
No single treatment works for all headaches. Feverfew is probably the best known treatment. Some people try ingesting the leaves directly, causing mouth sores. The good news is that you can also brew a tea with two to eight fresh leaves steeping in boiling water. Do not boil the leaves however, as it breaks down the effectiveness. Pregnant women SHOULD NOT take Feverfew nor should women who are breast feeding.
Heartburn
Camomile is the best source for heartburn and stomach problems. Licorice might be a second choice, but take care. Too much Licorice will produce headache, lethargy, and a potential serious loss of potassium as well as the possibility of high blood pressure.
Hemorrhoids
Use the following salve after each bowel movement.
One teaspoon Calendula
One teaspoon Camomile
One teaspoon Yarrow
One teaspoon Plantain
One teaspoon St. John’s Wort
Mix each herb in powdered form with enough emollient oil (almond) to form a paste then apply.
High Blood Pressure
Try vegetable soup. Yes, vegetable soup. Add any of the following: Celery, Garlic, Hawthorn, Kudzu, Onion, Tomato, Broccoli, Carrot, Purslane (any anything else that contains magnesium), Saffron, Valerian, Fennel, Oregano, Black Pepper, Basil and Tarragon. Consume on a regular basis. Eliminate pork, beef, and alcohol from your diet. Eat more plant foods and herbs and use a good vitamin regimen.
Indigestion
Create a tincture of:
A dash of Angelica, Anise, Camomile, Coriander, Fennel, Ginger, Rosemary and Turmeric along with two dashes of any mint herbs. Steep these herbs overnight in the refrigerator in a mixture of alcohol and water (one shot of vodka per cup of spring water). Drink as a tea or mix with juice.
Insect Bites/Stings
Try using Citronnela Oil. Do not use without first diluting. Add several drops to vegetable oil and rub directly on your skin.
Insomnia
Lemon Balm is a sedative as well as a stomach soother. Try a tea made with two to four teaspoons of dried herb per cup of boiling water.
Liver Problems
Use Milk Thistle for all types of liver troubles. Available in capsule form at health food stores.
Menopause
Black Cohosh is recommended for many “female complaints.” It contains estrogenic substances that relieve menopausal symptoms, especially hot flashes. Native American women knew to use it for childbirth and other gynecological problems. Try 2 parts Chasteberry, 1 part St. John’s Wort and 1 part Life Root. To 5ml of tincture taken three times a day.
Motion Sickness and Nausea
Raspberry leaf tea, used for morning sickness is also a good treatment for motion sickness. Ginger is another treatment for motion sickness. Munch it or buy Ginger capsules at the health food store.
Osteoporosis
Few people know that high protein diets leech calcium from bone. Reduce protein intake and try this broth:
Place leftover fish bones in a large pot. Add a few quarts of water. Bring to a boil. Cover and simmer 30 minutes. Add a couple handfuls of finely chopped Cabbage, Dandelion Greens, Stinging Nettle greens, Parsley, Pigweed and Purslane. Season to taste with salt, pepper and any other seasonings you prefer. Remove fish bones before serving as a vegetable/herb soup or as a stock for hearty bean soup.
Pain
Use clove oil for toothache, applied directly to the painful tooth.
Red Pepper contains capsaicin that stimulates the release of endorphins. Use in recipes.
Willow bark contains salicin, the original aspirin. Start with a low dose tea. If you are allergic to aspirin, avoid this treatment.
Pneumonia
There is no substitute for your doctors recommendations, but you might enhance treatment with a tea comprised of Dandelion. Cook the greens and roots. And drink the juice that remains after the green are cooked. If fresh Dandelion is not available, use the dried herb.
Prostate Enlargement
Make a spread of Saw Palmetto, Licorice and Pumpkin Seeds. Place a half cup of fresh Pumpkin Seeds in a food processor. Add one Saw Palmetto Capsule contents (without the capsule), and add a few drops of Licorice extract. Blend until smooth. You may add a little Brazil Nut oil to make it spread easier. Eat a couple of tablespoonfuls every day. Make small batches at a time to insure freshness.
Psoriasis
Folk healers have recommended rubbing mashed Avocado on psoriasis patches. If nothing else, it is cool and soothing.
Shingles
Try using a mixed mint tea. Use lots of Lemon Balm plus ay other mints you would like: Hyssop, Oregano, Peppermint, Rosemary, Sage, Self Heal, Spearmint or Thyme. Add a little Licorice as well. Drink it, of course, but also try applying it directly to the rash.
Sinusitis
Create your favorite vegetable soup. Add heaping amounts of Garlic, Onions, Horseradish, Hot Pepper and Ginger. Enjoy the dish while feeling your sinuses open.
Skin Problems
In addition to Aloe, the best known herb for skin treatment, try Evening Primrose Oil. Apply directly to the irritation. Should be available in your health food store.
Sore Throat
Slipper Elm capsules will do the trick for a raging sore throat. Just remember that it is probably a portent of a cold, flue or strep to come. Another treatment is a few teaspoons of crushed Euclyptus leaves per cup of boiling water for a soothing tea.
Sunburn
Use wet teabags to apply to sunburned areas. Aloe applied to the affected areas is always a good recommendation. Calendula speeds the healing of burns. You can probably find commercial creams that contain Calendula at your health food store.
Swelling
One of the active components in Ginger is Zingibain. One gram of Zingibain can tenderize as much as 20 pounds of meat. The most pleasant method of ingesting Ginger is to eat Ginger candy. Pineapple is also known to contribute to the reduction of swelling. Tastes good too! Dandelion is a potent diuretic and can remove some of the excess fluid that causes swelling. Youc an also purchase capsules.
Tinnitus
Hands down, Ginkgo is the best treatment for Tinnitus. The best way to take it as an extract which you will probably only find in a health food store. When shopping look for 50:1 on the label. 40mgs per day is recommended to treat Tinnitutis.
Tonsillitis
Echinacea and Goldenseal are a good bet to treat Tonsillitis. Combine the two as a tea and gargle as well as ingest.
Toothache
As mentioned earlier, Clove Oil is a good treatment for toothache. Another is a compress of Ginger and Red Pepper. Mix the powdered spices in enough water to form a paste. Use a small cotton ball to dip in the paste then apply the cotton directly to the tooth without letting it touch the gum. If it is too hot, rinse your mouth and try a different remedy.
Ulcers
You may find this recipe too tasty to be called a treatment!
Bananas, Pineapple, Blueberries, Ground Cinnamon, Ground Cloves, Ground Ginger, Honey. Cut up the bananas and pineapple and place in a serving bowl. Add blueberries and season generously with the Cinnamon, Cloves and Ginger and sweeten with the Honey. Or, use above ingredients to create a anti-ulcer drink.
Vaginitis
Carefully peel a clove of Garlic so that no nicks are made in the meat. Wrap in clean gauze with a clean, unbleached string creating a small tampon like packet. Insert into the vagina each night for up to six nights. If this treatment does not cure the infection see your physician.
Yeast Infections
Mix two to three drops of Tea Tree Oil in a tablespoon of yogurt. Soak a tampon in the mixture. Insert the tampon at night for up to six nights. Care must be taken when using any plant extracts. They are extremely concentrated and even in small doses can cause harm.
HARMFUL EFFECTS AND THINGS TO AVOID
Herbs are good medicine. There is no doubt about that fact. However, there are over 300,000 higher plant species. A good herbalist may know of one or two thousand of them. This means that even an experienced herbalist can make mistakes. Let’s take a look at some of the most common problems.
Pregnant women should avoid barberry root bark, cascara sagrada, feverfew, juniper berries, mugwort, pennyroyal, pokeroot, rue, senna, southernwood, tansy, thuja and wormwood. All of those herbs can increased a risk for miscarriage. Safe herbs during pregnancy would be Manna, Butternut Bark or Root, Flax Seed, Slippery Elm and Lemon Verbena.
No matter what herb(s) you are taking, be mindful of anything unexpected. Stop taking whatever it is and consult an expert you can trust.
Make certain you have the correct diagnosis. Diagnosis is not easy and sometimes doctors make mistakes. Generally, however, a doctor is much better equipped to diagnose. Discuss any planned herbal discipline you plan to undertake with your physician.
Watch for any allergic reactions. Even though you may have never had any allergies in the past, if you are embarking on an herbal journey, watch carefully for any adverse reactions. If you experience difficulty in breathing within 30 minutes of trying a new herb, food or drug, call 911 immediately! You may be having an anaphylactic reaction which is the most severe form of allergic reaction. This condition can quickly become fatal unless treated promptly. This reaction is rare, but you need to be careful and be aware.
Watch for any interactions. Medicines often interact negatively with one another. So do herbs. Always be careful when taking more than one drug or herb or a combination of both. If you suspect an interaction consult your physician or pharmacist.
One interaction that you should be aware of is Antidepressants known as monoamine oxidase (MAO) inhibitors. They interact badly with wine, cheese and many other foods. St. John’s Wort is also an MAO inhibitor so the same food restrictions apply. If you plan on using St. John’s Wort, discuss it with your physician or pharmacist.
Lastly, make certain that both your physician AND your herbalist are fully aware of all medications and/or herbal treatments you are using.
QUICK FACTS AND TIPS
Hemorrhoids:
Cayenne will stimulate circulation. Nettles and Irish Moss increase blood circulation. A potato suppository (raw potato) inserted overnight brings healing to hemorrhoids. Slippery Elm or Flax Seed will do the same.
Diarrhea:
Barley or rice water stop diarrhea. Boil one cup of rice or barley in 8 cups of water for on hour. Celery juice, coconut milk or lime juice can be added to cool colon. Blackberry root, Bush Monkey Flower or White Oak are antiseptic herbs.
Pain:
3 parts Confrey, 1 part Lobelia and 1 part Cayenne.
Garlic:
Externally for skin disorders such as ringworm, scabies, and lice. Make a strong tea 3 times a day for 2 weeks to ingest.
Syrup of Garlic for catarrh, asthma, tuberculosis, regulating blood pressure, heart weakness and internal ulceration.
To cover odor or tast of Garlic, use Oil of Anise, Caraway, Fennel Cinnamon or Peppermint.
Golden Seal:
Removes B Vitamins from the body.
Stress:
1 ounce Bayberry Bark, 2 ounces Ginger, 1 ounce White Pine, 1 dram Clover, 1 dram of Cayenne. Mix all together under stress. Put one teaspoon in a cup of boiling water for 15 minutes.
Antispasmodic Tincture:
1 ounce Lobelia Seed, 1 ounce Skullcap, 1 ounce Skunk Cabbage Root, 1 ounce Black Cohosh, ½ ounce Cayenne.
Ad above to one pint of boiling water for ½ hour. Add 1 pint of Apple Cider Vinegar and bottle for use. Dose: 8 to 15 drops in cup of hot water every hour. For shock, cramps, epilepsy, hysteria, lock jaw, poisonous bites and stings.
Homemade Toothpaste:
1 pinch powdered Sage
1 ounce powdered Myrrh
1 pound powdered Arrow Root
20 drops Oil of Clover
12 drops Oil of Bergamot
½ ounce powdered chalk
3 ounces powdered Oris Root
4 teaspoons tincture of Vanilla
15 drops Oil of Rose Geranium
Add honey to get desired consistency
Nerve Tonic:
1 part Black Cohos Root
1 part Cayenne
1 part Hops
1 part Ladys Slipper Root
Powder and mix. Place in gelatin capsules. Take two capsules three times a day.
First Aid Kit:
Charcoal for external drawing of poisons
Oil of Garlic
Antispasmodic tincture
Peppermint Oil for nausea
Sweating Herbs – ½ Elder Flower and ½ Peppermint
Liniment:
2 ounces powdered Myrrh
1 ounce powdered Golden Seal
½ ounce Cayenne
1 quart Apple Cider Vinegar
Mix together, shake each day for seven days then strain and bottle.
Gout:
Eat a minimum of four ounces of fresh Bing Cherries each day. If fresh cherries are not in season drink bottled or buy concentrate and have on tablespoon three times a day.
Hangover:
Rub a wedge of lemon in each armpit.
Migraine Headache:
At the first sign, dip a toothpick in Cayenne Pepper and sniff in each nostril.
Enjoy ¶ 22:59 0 Comments Links to this post
Equal parts: Butternut, Burdock, Echinacea and Cleavers to 5ml of tincture applied three times a day.
Altitude Sickness
In a pot of boiling water, steep Cloves, Allspice, Bay Leaf, Celery Seed, Cinnamon and Marjoram in quantities to taste. Mix in the following mints: Basil, Savory and Thyme. Should be taken in advance of anticipated travel or hike.
Alzheimer’s Disease
This disease affects four million Americans. It strikes about 10 percent of people over 65 and about half of those who live beyond 85. Acetylcholine is a brain chemical known as a neurotransmitter. Acetylcholine is a key ingredient to cognition and reasoning. People with Alzheimer’s often have a deficiency of Acetylcholine. The problem with experimental and FDA approved drugs is their toxicity which carry a potential for liver disease. Since the premise is to slow the degeneration of Acetylcholine and preserve what is already in the brain, there are herbs that can help. It just makes sense to look at herbal alternatives, specifically those herbs that contain compounds that prevent the breakdown of Acetylcholine. Horsebalm, Rosemary, Brazil Nut, Dandelion, Fava Beans, Fenugreek, Ginkgo, Sage, Stinging Nettle, Willow and Gotu Kola are all beneficial for the treatment of Alzheimer’s. Those herbs that can be added as dietary supplements are encouraged. Horsebalm helps to prevent the breakdown of Acetylcholine. Add a few droppers of Horsebalm to a favorite herbal shampoo. Research has also shown that adding foods high in lecithin is promising. Plant foods such as Dandelion Flowers, Poppy Seeds, Soybeans and mung beans should also be added to the diet.
Arthritis
The term Arthritis literally translates to “joint inflammation.” If you suffer from Arthritis, chances are you have taken drugs to combat the effects or tried other “home remedies.” If you haven’t yet tried “Urtication,” it might be helpful. The term “Urtication” comes from the botanical name, Urtica dioica and dates back some 2,000 years to biblical times. Urtica dioica is “Stinging Nettle. The treatment is to grasp the nettles in a gloved hand and swat the sore joints with the nettles. This may seem bizarre, but the practice has proven to be so effective for some sufferers of arthritis that they now maintain a nettle plant on their window sill.
Asthma
Ephedra sinica (Ma Huang) is an excellent bronchodilator. The natural form of Ephedra is better tolerated than the synthetic “edphedrine” causing fewer negative heart symptoms.
Gumweed 24 parts tincture
Pill Bearing Spurge 24 parts tincture
Lobelia 12 parts tincture
Wild Cherry 12 parts tincture
Licorice Root 12 parts tincture
Motherwort 12 parts tincture
Ma Huang 10 parts tincture
Aniseed 1 parts e.o.
5ml. of mixture taken 3 times a day. If Pill Bearing Spurge proves difficult to obtain then double the amount of Gumweed to make up for it.
Athlete’s Foot
Fungicidal essential oils are the most effective topical treatment. Examples are Myrrh, Ti-Tree and Garlic. The treatment will be smelly but will also show dramatic results.
Bad Breath
Chewing on parsley will eliminate bad breath. Chewing on Cardamom is very effective as Cardamom actually kills bad breath bacteria.
Bronchitis
Try two teaspoons of horehound per one cup of boiling water. Add lemon and licorice to taste.
Bruises
Crush and chop chilled parsley and apply to bruised area. Parsley will pull the color from the bruising very quickly. Possible to have the discoloration gone within 24 hours.
Burns
There are three levels of burns. First degree only hurts the outer layer of skin, like a sunburn. Second degree burns will develop blisters indicating the burn has penetrated deeper into the skin and is more painful. The worst type of burn is a third-degree burn and is a medical emergency. For minor first and second degree burns, use a leaf from an aloe plant for instant relief.
Cancer
Let’s make it perfectly clear that as of this writing there is no known cure for Cancer. In fact, the term itself is ambiguous and can be any type of malignant illness. What we will give you here is a Cancer and Blood Purifier:
4 parts Licorice Root
4 parts Red Clover
2 parts Burdock Root
2 parts Stillingia
2 parts Berberis Root
2 parts Poke Root
1 part Cascara Amarga
1 part Prickley Bark
1 part Buckthorne Bark
Fill gelatin capsules. Take 1 on the first day, 2 on the second until you reach 36 per day for 2 years. Avoid vinegar, pork and tomatoes.
Canker Sores
Mouth wash: Equal parts Marshmallow and Chamomile infused to be gargled often. Also consider Balm and St. John’s Wort.
Colds and Flu
At the first sign of sniffles, immediately ingest Echinacea. There are over 200 viruses that can cause the common cold. They are shared by coughing, sneezing and by hand. Therefore, the first treatment is prevention! Wash hands often and well, using a good anti-bacterial soap. Eating garlic can help in the prevention of colds and flu. Here are a few other remedies:
Pour a cup of boiling water over a couple of tablespoons of fresh, shredded Ginger Root. Makes a good hot tea that is effective against the most common cold viruses.
Constipation
One to three tablespoons of whole or crushed Flaxseed two or three times a day will help with chronic constipation. Be sure you get at least eight glasses of water a day to keep the bulk moving through the digestive system.
Coughing
Slice a large onion into rings. Place in deep bowl. Cover the slices with organic honey. Allow to stand overnight. In the morning strain the liquid creating a simple cough elixir.
Dandruff
Create an herbal scalp rinse.
Add one teaspoon of Potassium Chloride (find in salt section at the supermarket) into 6 cups of water. Heat until the Potassium Chloride dissolves. Chop four ounces of fresh Celandine (if fresh is not available use a half cup of the dried herb instead).Add Celandine to the solution. Allow to stand for two hours. Then boil slowly for 20 minutes. Strain out the plant material, and simmer reducing to one and one half cups. Add eight ounces of glycerin and continue simmering reducing the liquid slowly to two cups. Strain the result and bottle it. Store in cool place. Use once or twice a day as a hair rinse.
Depression
Persistent depression is a serious disorder and you should see your doctor for treatment. In the meantime you might like to try a Licorice tea. Simply add some to any of your favorite herbal teas. Using up to approximately 3 cups of tea a day or more or ingesting larger amounts can produce headache, lethargy, sodium and water retention, loss of potassium and high blood pressure. At least eight Licorice compounds are monoamine oxidase (MAO) inhibitors which are compounds capable of potent antidepressant action.
Diarrhea
Use two to three teaspoons of Agrimony (high tannin content) leaves to make a tea.
Apple pulp is rich in pectin. Try eating applesauce.
Use cooked carrots to treat diarrhea in infants. Will soothe the digestive tract while providing nutrients that are lost during the attack.
In all cases, drink plenty of water to prevent dehydration.
Earache
Taken internally, Garlic can help cure a middle ear infection. A few drops of Garlic oil in the ear can’t hurt either. You can also try using a teaspoon of dried Echinacea in tea.
Fever
Two to three teaspoons of Elder flowers a day in tea will help reduce feverish chills.
Try Ginger tea or eat candied ginger or sip ginger ale. Add peppermint to fever-fighting teas.
Flatulence
Ever wonder why the instructions on packages of beans recommend soaking the beans overnight? It actually has nothing to do with the recipe, but everything to do with an anti-gas remedy. You can also deflate flatulence with a tea made up of Camomile, Caraway, Dill, Fennel, Lemon Balm and Peppermint. Sweeten with Licorice.
Gallstones and Kidney Stones
The best way to treat these diseases is with prevention and that begins with drinking six to eight glasses of water each day. This keeps the urine too diluted to create the stones in the first place. Drink several cups of Stinging Nettle Tea each day to prevent and treat kidney stones. To one cup of boiling water, steep one teaspoon of finely chopped dried herb.
Gout
It is purported that Celery Seed keeps uric acid below critical levels. Try taking two to four tablets of celery seed extract daily.
Headache
No single treatment works for all headaches. Feverfew is probably the best known treatment. Some people try ingesting the leaves directly, causing mouth sores. The good news is that you can also brew a tea with two to eight fresh leaves steeping in boiling water. Do not boil the leaves however, as it breaks down the effectiveness. Pregnant women SHOULD NOT take Feverfew nor should women who are breast feeding.
Heartburn
Camomile is the best source for heartburn and stomach problems. Licorice might be a second choice, but take care. Too much Licorice will produce headache, lethargy, and a potential serious loss of potassium as well as the possibility of high blood pressure.
Hemorrhoids
Use the following salve after each bowel movement.
One teaspoon Calendula
One teaspoon Camomile
One teaspoon Yarrow
One teaspoon Plantain
One teaspoon St. John’s Wort
Mix each herb in powdered form with enough emollient oil (almond) to form a paste then apply.
High Blood Pressure
Try vegetable soup. Yes, vegetable soup. Add any of the following: Celery, Garlic, Hawthorn, Kudzu, Onion, Tomato, Broccoli, Carrot, Purslane (any anything else that contains magnesium), Saffron, Valerian, Fennel, Oregano, Black Pepper, Basil and Tarragon. Consume on a regular basis. Eliminate pork, beef, and alcohol from your diet. Eat more plant foods and herbs and use a good vitamin regimen.
Indigestion
Create a tincture of:
A dash of Angelica, Anise, Camomile, Coriander, Fennel, Ginger, Rosemary and Turmeric along with two dashes of any mint herbs. Steep these herbs overnight in the refrigerator in a mixture of alcohol and water (one shot of vodka per cup of spring water). Drink as a tea or mix with juice.
Insect Bites/Stings
Try using Citronnela Oil. Do not use without first diluting. Add several drops to vegetable oil and rub directly on your skin.
Insomnia
Lemon Balm is a sedative as well as a stomach soother. Try a tea made with two to four teaspoons of dried herb per cup of boiling water.
Liver Problems
Use Milk Thistle for all types of liver troubles. Available in capsule form at health food stores.
Menopause
Black Cohosh is recommended for many “female complaints.” It contains estrogenic substances that relieve menopausal symptoms, especially hot flashes. Native American women knew to use it for childbirth and other gynecological problems. Try 2 parts Chasteberry, 1 part St. John’s Wort and 1 part Life Root. To 5ml of tincture taken three times a day.
Motion Sickness and Nausea
Raspberry leaf tea, used for morning sickness is also a good treatment for motion sickness. Ginger is another treatment for motion sickness. Munch it or buy Ginger capsules at the health food store.
Osteoporosis
Few people know that high protein diets leech calcium from bone. Reduce protein intake and try this broth:
Place leftover fish bones in a large pot. Add a few quarts of water. Bring to a boil. Cover and simmer 30 minutes. Add a couple handfuls of finely chopped Cabbage, Dandelion Greens, Stinging Nettle greens, Parsley, Pigweed and Purslane. Season to taste with salt, pepper and any other seasonings you prefer. Remove fish bones before serving as a vegetable/herb soup or as a stock for hearty bean soup.
Pain
Use clove oil for toothache, applied directly to the painful tooth.
Red Pepper contains capsaicin that stimulates the release of endorphins. Use in recipes.
Willow bark contains salicin, the original aspirin. Start with a low dose tea. If you are allergic to aspirin, avoid this treatment.
Pneumonia
There is no substitute for your doctors recommendations, but you might enhance treatment with a tea comprised of Dandelion. Cook the greens and roots. And drink the juice that remains after the green are cooked. If fresh Dandelion is not available, use the dried herb.
Prostate Enlargement
Make a spread of Saw Palmetto, Licorice and Pumpkin Seeds. Place a half cup of fresh Pumpkin Seeds in a food processor. Add one Saw Palmetto Capsule contents (without the capsule), and add a few drops of Licorice extract. Blend until smooth. You may add a little Brazil Nut oil to make it spread easier. Eat a couple of tablespoonfuls every day. Make small batches at a time to insure freshness.
Psoriasis
Folk healers have recommended rubbing mashed Avocado on psoriasis patches. If nothing else, it is cool and soothing.
Shingles
Try using a mixed mint tea. Use lots of Lemon Balm plus ay other mints you would like: Hyssop, Oregano, Peppermint, Rosemary, Sage, Self Heal, Spearmint or Thyme. Add a little Licorice as well. Drink it, of course, but also try applying it directly to the rash.
Sinusitis
Create your favorite vegetable soup. Add heaping amounts of Garlic, Onions, Horseradish, Hot Pepper and Ginger. Enjoy the dish while feeling your sinuses open.
Skin Problems
In addition to Aloe, the best known herb for skin treatment, try Evening Primrose Oil. Apply directly to the irritation. Should be available in your health food store.
Sore Throat
Slipper Elm capsules will do the trick for a raging sore throat. Just remember that it is probably a portent of a cold, flue or strep to come. Another treatment is a few teaspoons of crushed Euclyptus leaves per cup of boiling water for a soothing tea.
Sunburn
Use wet teabags to apply to sunburned areas. Aloe applied to the affected areas is always a good recommendation. Calendula speeds the healing of burns. You can probably find commercial creams that contain Calendula at your health food store.
Swelling
One of the active components in Ginger is Zingibain. One gram of Zingibain can tenderize as much as 20 pounds of meat. The most pleasant method of ingesting Ginger is to eat Ginger candy. Pineapple is also known to contribute to the reduction of swelling. Tastes good too! Dandelion is a potent diuretic and can remove some of the excess fluid that causes swelling. Youc an also purchase capsules.
Tinnitus
Hands down, Ginkgo is the best treatment for Tinnitus. The best way to take it as an extract which you will probably only find in a health food store. When shopping look for 50:1 on the label. 40mgs per day is recommended to treat Tinnitutis.
Tonsillitis
Echinacea and Goldenseal are a good bet to treat Tonsillitis. Combine the two as a tea and gargle as well as ingest.
Toothache
As mentioned earlier, Clove Oil is a good treatment for toothache. Another is a compress of Ginger and Red Pepper. Mix the powdered spices in enough water to form a paste. Use a small cotton ball to dip in the paste then apply the cotton directly to the tooth without letting it touch the gum. If it is too hot, rinse your mouth and try a different remedy.
Ulcers
You may find this recipe too tasty to be called a treatment!
Bananas, Pineapple, Blueberries, Ground Cinnamon, Ground Cloves, Ground Ginger, Honey. Cut up the bananas and pineapple and place in a serving bowl. Add blueberries and season generously with the Cinnamon, Cloves and Ginger and sweeten with the Honey. Or, use above ingredients to create a anti-ulcer drink.
Vaginitis
Carefully peel a clove of Garlic so that no nicks are made in the meat. Wrap in clean gauze with a clean, unbleached string creating a small tampon like packet. Insert into the vagina each night for up to six nights. If this treatment does not cure the infection see your physician.
Yeast Infections
Mix two to three drops of Tea Tree Oil in a tablespoon of yogurt. Soak a tampon in the mixture. Insert the tampon at night for up to six nights. Care must be taken when using any plant extracts. They are extremely concentrated and even in small doses can cause harm.
HARMFUL EFFECTS AND THINGS TO AVOID
Herbs are good medicine. There is no doubt about that fact. However, there are over 300,000 higher plant species. A good herbalist may know of one or two thousand of them. This means that even an experienced herbalist can make mistakes. Let’s take a look at some of the most common problems.
Pregnant women should avoid barberry root bark, cascara sagrada, feverfew, juniper berries, mugwort, pennyroyal, pokeroot, rue, senna, southernwood, tansy, thuja and wormwood. All of those herbs can increased a risk for miscarriage. Safe herbs during pregnancy would be Manna, Butternut Bark or Root, Flax Seed, Slippery Elm and Lemon Verbena.
No matter what herb(s) you are taking, be mindful of anything unexpected. Stop taking whatever it is and consult an expert you can trust.
Make certain you have the correct diagnosis. Diagnosis is not easy and sometimes doctors make mistakes. Generally, however, a doctor is much better equipped to diagnose. Discuss any planned herbal discipline you plan to undertake with your physician.
Watch for any allergic reactions. Even though you may have never had any allergies in the past, if you are embarking on an herbal journey, watch carefully for any adverse reactions. If you experience difficulty in breathing within 30 minutes of trying a new herb, food or drug, call 911 immediately! You may be having an anaphylactic reaction which is the most severe form of allergic reaction. This condition can quickly become fatal unless treated promptly. This reaction is rare, but you need to be careful and be aware.
Watch for any interactions. Medicines often interact negatively with one another. So do herbs. Always be careful when taking more than one drug or herb or a combination of both. If you suspect an interaction consult your physician or pharmacist.
One interaction that you should be aware of is Antidepressants known as monoamine oxidase (MAO) inhibitors. They interact badly with wine, cheese and many other foods. St. John’s Wort is also an MAO inhibitor so the same food restrictions apply. If you plan on using St. John’s Wort, discuss it with your physician or pharmacist.
Lastly, make certain that both your physician AND your herbalist are fully aware of all medications and/or herbal treatments you are using.
QUICK FACTS AND TIPS
Hemorrhoids:
Cayenne will stimulate circulation. Nettles and Irish Moss increase blood circulation. A potato suppository (raw potato) inserted overnight brings healing to hemorrhoids. Slippery Elm or Flax Seed will do the same.
Diarrhea:
Barley or rice water stop diarrhea. Boil one cup of rice or barley in 8 cups of water for on hour. Celery juice, coconut milk or lime juice can be added to cool colon. Blackberry root, Bush Monkey Flower or White Oak are antiseptic herbs.
Pain:
3 parts Confrey, 1 part Lobelia and 1 part Cayenne.
Garlic:
Externally for skin disorders such as ringworm, scabies, and lice. Make a strong tea 3 times a day for 2 weeks to ingest.
Syrup of Garlic for catarrh, asthma, tuberculosis, regulating blood pressure, heart weakness and internal ulceration.
To cover odor or tast of Garlic, use Oil of Anise, Caraway, Fennel Cinnamon or Peppermint.
Golden Seal:
Removes B Vitamins from the body.
Stress:
1 ounce Bayberry Bark, 2 ounces Ginger, 1 ounce White Pine, 1 dram Clover, 1 dram of Cayenne. Mix all together under stress. Put one teaspoon in a cup of boiling water for 15 minutes.
Antispasmodic Tincture:
1 ounce Lobelia Seed, 1 ounce Skullcap, 1 ounce Skunk Cabbage Root, 1 ounce Black Cohosh, ½ ounce Cayenne.
Ad above to one pint of boiling water for ½ hour. Add 1 pint of Apple Cider Vinegar and bottle for use. Dose: 8 to 15 drops in cup of hot water every hour. For shock, cramps, epilepsy, hysteria, lock jaw, poisonous bites and stings.
Homemade Toothpaste:
1 pinch powdered Sage
1 ounce powdered Myrrh
1 pound powdered Arrow Root
20 drops Oil of Clover
12 drops Oil of Bergamot
½ ounce powdered chalk
3 ounces powdered Oris Root
4 teaspoons tincture of Vanilla
15 drops Oil of Rose Geranium
Add honey to get desired consistency
Nerve Tonic:
1 part Black Cohos Root
1 part Cayenne
1 part Hops
1 part Ladys Slipper Root
Powder and mix. Place in gelatin capsules. Take two capsules three times a day.
First Aid Kit:
Charcoal for external drawing of poisons
Oil of Garlic
Antispasmodic tincture
Peppermint Oil for nausea
Sweating Herbs – ½ Elder Flower and ½ Peppermint
Liniment:
2 ounces powdered Myrrh
1 ounce powdered Golden Seal
½ ounce Cayenne
1 quart Apple Cider Vinegar
Mix together, shake each day for seven days then strain and bottle.
Gout:
Eat a minimum of four ounces of fresh Bing Cherries each day. If fresh cherries are not in season drink bottled or buy concentrate and have on tablespoon three times a day.
Hangover:
Rub a wedge of lemon in each armpit.
Migraine Headache:
At the first sign, dip a toothpick in Cayenne Pepper and sniff in each nostril.
Enjoy ¶ 22:59 0 Comments Links to this post
Sunday, September 11, 2005
The 20 Rep Squat.
A.K.A. Super Squats, Breather Squats
Its amazing how things come full circle, I've watched people in the gym doing all kinds of routines and with all kinds of weird lifting techniques. The latest greatest craze that is supposed to pack on tons of muscle and double your strength. These complicated mind boggling routines keep you busy running from one machine to another in a clock watching frenzy. Super sets, triple sets, drop sets etc. and don't forget that tempo.
It seems that most newbies believe that the more complicated the routine is the better it works. More sets equals more growth ( never mind diet and rest).
So anyway, what got this post started is the come back of the 20 rep squat, I've noticed recently in my browsing of internet forums, websites and bloggs that this routine is again rearing its head and drawing attention to itself.
20 Rep Squats - No hype, all over muscle growth and 1 simple set.
Sounds to good to be true?
Don't take my word for it. Try it out for yourself.
A few guide lines for the gym.
Drink plenty of water. (this should be a given)
The workout part of routine should never be more then 1 hour or 30 sets. What ever comes first. (If you're working out more then this your just setting yourself up to overtrain.)
Warm up properly. If you don't know how to do this then you shouldn't be working out in the first place.
Eat something about an hour before you go to the gym and immediately after. This is what pre workout drinks and meal replacements are made for. Give you body some fuel to burn to so you can get the most out of your workout and no a snickers bar doesn't count.
Here is the basic Idea, No wimps allowed.
Start slowly especially if you have not worked out recently. I recommend that for 20 rep squats you should start with half your body weight. Add 5 lbs to your squats every workout and do all 20 reps each workout.
This method will allow you to work into the squats over a period of time. If you start off with the max weight that you can handle you will be so sore you won't be able to walk the next day or maybe even the rest of the week.
So here it is.
The squat 20 reps 1 set, eat, rest and eat. (its that simple)
Wait tell you are not sore anymore (this may be two to four days depending on you) and do it again.
By the very nature of the 20 rep squat program you won't want to do anything else. Most people feel a strong need to go lay down for awhile. If you don't this is a good sign that your not using enough weight or you are a seasoned pro.
So if you feel like doing and are just plain masochist...Then below you will find my favorite workouts and I will also outline these in more detail on my forum.
Basic routine: (I'm not sure when or where, or who introduced me to these routines but they do the job and keep things simple)
Seated press behind the neck 3x10
Bench press 3x12
Bent over rowing 2x15
Standing curl 2x10 (be careful with this its very easy to overtrain the biceps and stunt growth)
Parallel squat 1x20
Chest Pulls 1x20
Stiff legged deadlift 1x15
Crunches 1x25
As a cool down toss in some sets for your wrist and calf work if you so desire.
The quick workout looks something like this.
Bench press 2x12
Squat 1x20
Chest pulls 1x20
Bent over rowing 2x15
And my low rep program looks like this.
Cleans 5x5
Dumbell press 5x5
Incline press 5x5
Upright rows 5x5
Squats 5x5 Followed by light pullovers after each set.
Leg raises 2x25
For more info on the 20 rep squat check out this page. Grass Roots Training. ¶ 05:06 2 Comments Links to this post
Its amazing how things come full circle, I've watched people in the gym doing all kinds of routines and with all kinds of weird lifting techniques. The latest greatest craze that is supposed to pack on tons of muscle and double your strength. These complicated mind boggling routines keep you busy running from one machine to another in a clock watching frenzy. Super sets, triple sets, drop sets etc. and don't forget that tempo.
It seems that most newbies believe that the more complicated the routine is the better it works. More sets equals more growth ( never mind diet and rest).
So anyway, what got this post started is the come back of the 20 rep squat, I've noticed recently in my browsing of internet forums, websites and bloggs that this routine is again rearing its head and drawing attention to itself.
20 Rep Squats - No hype, all over muscle growth and 1 simple set.
Sounds to good to be true?
Don't take my word for it. Try it out for yourself.
A few guide lines for the gym.
Drink plenty of water. (this should be a given)
The workout part of routine should never be more then 1 hour or 30 sets. What ever comes first. (If you're working out more then this your just setting yourself up to overtrain.)
Warm up properly. If you don't know how to do this then you shouldn't be working out in the first place.
Eat something about an hour before you go to the gym and immediately after. This is what pre workout drinks and meal replacements are made for. Give you body some fuel to burn to so you can get the most out of your workout and no a snickers bar doesn't count.
Here is the basic Idea, No wimps allowed.
Start slowly especially if you have not worked out recently. I recommend that for 20 rep squats you should start with half your body weight. Add 5 lbs to your squats every workout and do all 20 reps each workout.
This method will allow you to work into the squats over a period of time. If you start off with the max weight that you can handle you will be so sore you won't be able to walk the next day or maybe even the rest of the week.
So here it is.
The squat 20 reps 1 set, eat, rest and eat. (its that simple)
Wait tell you are not sore anymore (this may be two to four days depending on you) and do it again.
By the very nature of the 20 rep squat program you won't want to do anything else. Most people feel a strong need to go lay down for awhile. If you don't this is a good sign that your not using enough weight or you are a seasoned pro.
So if you feel like doing and are just plain masochist...Then below you will find my favorite workouts and I will also outline these in more detail on my forum.
Basic routine: (I'm not sure when or where, or who introduced me to these routines but they do the job and keep things simple)
Seated press behind the neck 3x10
Bench press 3x12
Bent over rowing 2x15
Standing curl 2x10 (be careful with this its very easy to overtrain the biceps and stunt growth)
Parallel squat 1x20
Chest Pulls 1x20
Stiff legged deadlift 1x15
Crunches 1x25
As a cool down toss in some sets for your wrist and calf work if you so desire.
The quick workout looks something like this.
Bench press 2x12
Squat 1x20
Chest pulls 1x20
Bent over rowing 2x15
And my low rep program looks like this.
Cleans 5x5
Dumbell press 5x5
Incline press 5x5
Upright rows 5x5
Squats 5x5 Followed by light pullovers after each set.
Leg raises 2x25
For more info on the 20 rep squat check out this page. Grass Roots Training. ¶ 05:06 2 Comments Links to this post
